Instead of asserting myself, I attack …

In contrast to the flight, we obviously have the attack. Like flight, the attack is a natural and archaic behavior in the face of danger.

Always the same story, always fear, the same fear of being in danger. When a person is aggressive, she is afraid. She does not feel strong enough, built to impose herself gently, to take the risk of listening to other points of view than hers.

Over time, she has built a world that reassures her, she clings to what she knows. It’s her way of standing up and facing the world every morning. She defends tooth and nail her universe, her pre-square, her certainties, her achievements even before listening.


Here are the peculiarities of this behavioral tactic:

Speak loudly, do not control your time and interrupt others It goes or it breaks
Makes noise when another speaks Better to be on the side of the shaft than the ax
Impose his goal “Me I”
Carries an ironic smile You did not understand anything
Adopt an arrogant or disdainful attitude I do not want to know it
Makes big quick gestures Get going!
Is impatient In this world, you have to know how to impose yourself
Seeks to destabilize his interlocutor You are wrong … ..

Hypersensitivity Apparent effectiveness.
Personal problems (illness, lack of money, etc.) Blocking, inhibition of the environment or “flashback”
High rate of frustration in the past Waste of psychological energy
Latent fear of the other Unnecessary increase in stress
Desire for revenge more or less conscious Demotivation
Lack or overconfidence Quarantine
Emotional instability, impulsiveness Lack of useful information

From aggressiveness to assertiveness

  1. I relax muscularly and choose an open position.
  2. I recognize the good ideas and proposals of my interlocutors, they are not entirely wrong.
  3. I express my disagreement quietly and flexibly as a judoka rather than a boxer.
  4. When I’m right in a discussion, I think about leaving an honorable exit to my interlocutor.
  5. I find and repeat three qualities of my interlocutor when I disagree before, during and after the discussion.
  6. I tell myself that to convince is good and that to let the other find his solution is better.
  7. I look from time to time at each other’s goals to help him be assertive.
  8. I ‘m listening , I ‘m listening , I ‘m listening , and I’m leaving my vis-à-vis to finish speaking.
  9. I think to establish the relationship , to maintain it , to retain it . From time to time, I put myself in its place by putting on its moccasins.
  10. I smile while making contact.
  11. I personalize my relationships by knowing the tastes and passions of my interlocutors.
  12. I do not stop at retail and prefer to get high to play win-win.
  13. I use my humor and I leave the irony in the locker room.
  14. I say ” stop ” and I breathe for three seconds if I am tempted to leave an unpleasant word.
  15. I dare to admit my mistakes.
  16. I express my limits and my lack of specific knowledge on a subject.
  17. I use phrases beginning with “I” rather than an accusing “You”.

For example: “I feel aggrieved” rather than “You are aggressive”.

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